By now if you don’t know well I had an addiction to porn, masturbation, and sex for a while…
To the point, I was so consumed by it that I was late for work and lacked clarity in my mind, because every thought of every day was sex, porn, porn, sex, and more of that. Trying to fill this void that just got bigger and bigger. Similar to vampire constantly thirsting for more and more blood yet never being satisfied with what I get.
So yesterday was NOT my best day with handling that addiction. So I will not get into explicit details…
However as I was watching a twerking video, something hit my mind and soul asking me a few questions…
“How much is enough Bertrand?”
How much more ass do you need to see?
How much more breast do you need to see?
How much more sex do you need to have?
How much more validation do you need?
The most important questions that hit me was, “What are you looking for… what are you seeking.. what do you need?”
I canceled out of the video and just sat there with these questions replaying in my mind.
Please note I don’t have a profound answer for you but I want to ask you…
If you are addicted to anything as well like I was then at least think these questions over…
What are you looking for?
What are you seeking?
What do you need?
(After thinking it over)
I can tell how I got here and kinda of lost control of my thoughts and being. So I fell off the wagon of my routines and habits. I have been saying “1 day is okay to miss.” I looked at others and compared myself to where I am currently and felt smaller in value and worth. I’m going to launch my podcast as well and the feeling of being less than able to actually provide value, because “WHO ARE YOU Bertrand” to have a podcast and share your beliefs.
Well, I have a story to share and I believe the more I hide it and keep it inside me… The more I suffer and the more my tribe suffers as well…
So I’m going to hop back on building my ability to say no to myself and forgive myself for slipping up. NO I will NOT shame, guilt, and or hold myself down for slipping up. Sex is natural, admiring a beautiful woman that walks by is natural.
Shaming, guilting, and holding myself down in my own pit is NOT where I belong, so to get back on my wagon I will fast today and journal what is within me on paper. Journal is a powerful tool for bringing your hidden feelings, addiction, and cravings to the surface so you can face them. That is what I have NOT been doing was facing my hidden feelings, addictions, and cravings within me.
hmmm yes, that is it, well I hope you got some value from that my friend and you find at least 1 value-able item you can use today. If not I hope you had a fun read and an even better day.
So till next time my friend,
You can NEVER overcome addictions. You have to choose to say NO to it and YES to yourself, your tribe, and you life!
This video helped me to understand addiction and brought a shift in my perceptive to my own addiction… so enjoy!
You have power in your choice!